hello Dale Partridge here you're listening to an episode from the real Christianity archive Veronica and I originally began this podcast under the name ultimate marriage as a resource for online marriage Mentor program found that ultimate marriage.com while our marriage program is still a critical part of her Ministry after about 30 episodes we decided to change the name of this podcast to real Christianity as a way to widen the scope of our Biblical content that said these are some of our most popular episodes so please enjoy and stay with us on the journey to bring the church back to the Bible
 every 365 days we get another shot at creating a better year but in my experience Christians set goals for health and finances and Curry GK Chesterton once said at the object of a new year is not that we should have a new year it is that we should have a New Soul I Think Jesus affirms that position when he tells us to seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you in this episode and I are going to talk about rededicating yourself and your marriage to God's words God's practices and God's kingdom and we answer an important question asking if parents should raise and discipline their sons in a different way than you would their daughters all this is coming up today on Ultimate marriage everyone welcome to another episode of ultimate marriage today we are talking about what it means to be a Christian this is a an important topic thing to evaluate in the new year so happy
 your guy's 2019 and we have a conversation about seeking first the kingdom of God what does that actually look like what does it look like in our life and so we're going to have a great conversation about goal-setting according to scripture what that means to be a Christian just an evaluation overall of what it looks like to walk out of biblical Faith but before we get started again if this is an episode that you're watching on YouTube just know that it's also a podcast and if it's a podcast that you're listening to we have the show available for you in video format on YouTube it's also available on Spotify and Stitcher in Google Play and other places all the things that I think is just amazing thank you guys so much for the reviews these reviews again to help the exposure of the show if you guys get a chance when you're done listening today's episode to just leave a review to stop the Stars on iTunes
 that would be very helpful last week we had so many reviews and so many downloads did it actually pushed our show to number 10 in all of the religious and spiritual podcast got to go to the 55,000 podcast and we were number 10 there and then we were number like 249 of all podcasts in the world that's 610,000 podcast and we were number 249 so we are just super humbled that you guys continue to make it a priority to listen to our show and we just pray that it's fruitful for your walk with God so yeah this I did Jesus says seek first his kingdom and his righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you man this is a this is the ultimate goal of what we need to be doing it every day but a great time in January to start re-evaluating those things yeah it's always a good time at the beginning of the year 08 the past year and what you've done
 in this upcoming year and look at it and say okay seek first the kingdom of God what is that look like for a family what is the vision God has given me to speak that first and then the rest will be added in so if you're not growing in Christ you're not actually are you actually living for Christ that's something that you a question you could ask yourself especially evaluating the last year we have a motto that it we have at our church is growing or go me and it cries calls us to grow is calling us to constantly follow him move forward walk after him chase after him and so this idea of hey let's evaluate if we did that well last year and if we're doing that this year and we need to come to understand what those are what does that actually look like and so that's something I think we need to have a conversation about today and and and Veronica can open a separate what we're going to chat about like I said
 over your goals and vision for last year going into the new year what does that look like a big question to ask yourself are you growing in Christ if not are you actually living for Christ because you need to remember that belief in Jesus doesn't just make his Christian their atheist out there that believe that Jesus existed t-shirt historical figure he was a savior of the world so the Book of James even says even the demons believe and tremble so what makes your marriage a Christian marriage or your home a Christian home isn't just your belief in Jesus it's your belief in Jesus in combination with the fact that he is Lord over your life what does that mean there's a lots of Christians out there that are or people that identify themselves with the Christian faith to believe in Jesus we have Jehovah's Witness saying that they're Christians believe in
 we have more minutes called themselves Christians and believe in Jesus and so you get this situation that you go okay well what does it mean to be Christian what is it actually look like to be Christian and so has special biblical Christian that cuz again that's where we're going to have to turn to is that what is the Bible say about our faith and it says you will know them by their fruit that's exactly what we're going to dive deep into what that actually looks like in your marriage and family I'm going to say a couple verses that I think are critical to just backing up our claims right here is Romans 10 chapter 9 our Romans 10:9 says that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised him from the dead you will be saved and I want you to just recognize the two-part element write their belief in lordship belief in lordship you're going to see this recurring theme throughout the New Testament is that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus that weird confess in the Greek is home in the Gale and that word means to Austin
 hopefully I can do lunch if not just like yelling out in a crowd the Lord Jesus know that that's not what it's saying it's it's I actually believed in authentically acknowledge Jesus is Lord Panda God has raised him from the dead the resurrection occurred on and he is my savior then you are safe until it's just that to part again like is Veronica mentioned even the demons believe but I am Trump so you know is Jesus lord in your personal walk with God that's the first evaluation for the year in your marriage and your home it like is he Lord and everything that decision Choice action you make done through the lens of scripture how was your marriage in 2019 going to be different from your marriage in 2018 how are you going to kind of I guess plays Jesus in the proper position of your heart this year in comparison to what you did last year and again I think the best way to make this assessment is too real
 look at what it means to be a Christian we have to do this we've gotten so much that it's just about belief and that's it that we forgotten just the many commands throughout scripture of what it looks like to identify yourself as a Christian and so we're going to talk about that we want to go over three really fundamental areas that I think it would be helpful for you guys to evaluate and that you might need any Improvement in your walk now I want to clarify that we know that you're saved by grace through faith that we also know that faith without works is dead and most importantly we know that God says to be holy as I am Holy we know that there's a variety of scriptures and commands that Jesus himself asks us to fulfill so it's not just received by grace through faith and we can't leave out the requirements that God calls us to walk in how to behave and how to walk with one another especially in the sanctification of our
 of our marriages and of our personal Christian walk and so we're going to talk about I don't think people were not going to talk about the apologetic side of do you actually believe this isn't a show for people who are skeptical about Christ is the savior or is God this is a show on Christians that need to be reminded what it looks like to be a Christian according to the scriptures and so yeah so what are the marks of a Christian so first John 4:1 says feel of a do not believe every Spirit but test the spirits were there they are of God because many false prophets have gone out into the world so not everyone who says I'm a Christian is a Christian and you know whether they are a variety of ways to examine ourselves and examine others to determine the authenticity of their faith of their professed faith is of what they're saying
 when they say test the spirits what are we to test them against yeah we're to test them against scripture you go hey what you're saying doesn't align with what he saying therefore I don't believe what you're saying and and so this is what the scriptures about his test those spirits and test them against what will test them against the truth and that's how you get to examine your life and so in that I'm going to start off with him I want you guys to Value it as a husband as a wife as a father as a mother look at this scripture that we're going to read hear John 8:31 at a critical scripture it's the memory verse for the show you should have it memorized anyways it's do you abide in his word and we're going to read this what this is do you abide in his word he says Jesus says if you abide in my word you are truly my disciples and you shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free I want to point out one is that
 it's as if you're by my word you are my you are truly my disciples and you shall know the truth who is the truth yeah he said I am the way the truth and the life that you shall know the truth you should know me and the truth of Jesus shall set you free recognize what it's saying they're so do you abide in his word that's a big question do you actually follow scripture on how you make decisions on your money on your Finance on your biblical roles on the way that you carry out your you're you know your finances your your your your home management your sex life your whatever-it-is are you looking to scripture to make sure that you're trying to just got to want to do it your way I don't want to do it my way father if you smoke on this matter and somewhere I want to seek out the scriptures to find it so that I can follow it
 and I want to see a couple things that you can't abide and what you don't know
 and you can't know what you don't read so the big commitment I'm going to call you guys to this year 2019 I can only eleven percent of Christians have read the entire Bible That's the Evangelical Church statistic 11% 89% have not read the entire Bible if you've been a Christian for longer than a year this is a problem you need to go hey do I actually believe this book there are people that would like just about died have a copy of the Bible right now there are people that would cherish that book we come all laying all over the place we do you pick him up
 my challenge to you is to read the Bible this year the entire thing whether it's cover to cover or whether it's a little Old Testament little New Testament and you can do that we have provided you guys a free 365 Day Bible reading plan you can download it or website just go to Ultimate marriage.com Bible again that's ultimate marriage.com Forsyth Bible download it and start reading the Bible and finish it in a year. That's the Veronica just is almost done what you've been going through this for a while like 2/3 of the way or close to it the only thing I have is revelation but I'm going back to the Old Testament to finish what I have to do there and then I want to read Revelation last job and I finished I did cover to cover last year I'm going to do the Bible hopefully again in the next I'm going to do a 6-month read of it later this year
 Sarah Brendan whole Bible for months for months and I think I think that's 8 hours a day or might be 12 chapters a day but you can read the Bible in a year for chapters a day is what I'm pretty sure it's usually about that situation for five chapters a day
 is I wake up in the morning first thing I do first thing I don't look at my phone
 I don't talk to Veronica first thing I do is I pray
 and I'm seeking first his kingdom and his righteousness and I'm gone Lord just what do you want for me today I'm here to serve you and and Lord help me give me strength today walk me through these things and then the second thing that I do immediately
 and this is you 5 to 6 days a week 7 days a week I try for every day is
 I read the word immediately I just start reading the word I seek God first are you doing that are you inviting this word because that's what makes you truly his disciples and you will know Jesus and Jesus will make you free and keep you free from the sin that is constantly trying to put us in bondage to another marker of being a Christian number two if you love me you will keep my Commandments Jesus is saying that the greatest way to express your love and Devotion to him is
 is not to worship him or to pray to him or to talk about him but to keep his Commandments you do all those things as well. Just kind of naturally comes along with it but is the number one way he says is to keep his Commandments insane if you love me to worship me
 if you love me go pray to me if you love me go teach somebody about me which is the things that we all do but what Jesus is saying if you love me
 keep my Commandments that that's what he's specifically talking about and so ask yourself do you keep his Commandments
 yeah and John 14 verse says in John 14 verses 15 through 24 what I'm just going to pick out a couple of those verses in that passage and read it for yourself verse 15 if you love me you will keep my limits verse 21 Whoever has my Commandments and keeps them he it is who loves me that's where did really weirdly verse 23 if anyone loves me he will keep my word first 24 whoever does not love me does not keep my words this is just one section it says it an all the gospels and it has reiterated from the Apostle tell you how many times did Jesus says if you love me you keep my cannabis and I like how piranhas could put it in the best way to show your Devotion to Christ is to keep his command he saying hey if you love me
 like you don't like these other things are important but the best way to show that you love me is to keep my Commandments to get this concept transferred to them I would say is Aria how do you love Mom and Dad by obeying you John I asked I asked sorry all the time I go hey if you are I'll tell her if you love me you'll listen to me if you love me you listen to me again you know he he he loves me he hears my voice like I did there's just so many of these parallels in scripture is that do you listen to God how do you hear God
 you read his word right you. Got to get into the word and that's how we hear from God this is God's word in the scriptures and so do you do you actually keep his Commandments in 2019 evaluate and your marriage are you guys keeping his Commandments and there's actually there's several a list of Commandments but there is what I would say the real for sure easy list is there's about fifty direct commands like undeniable commands of Jesus in the New Testament and I'm not going to miss them a lot but it's like repent either that's a commitment do you repent follow me pick up your cross and follow me do you follow Christ like you actually do that in your marriage Rejoice are you joyful are you rejoice and be reconciled to one another like are you allowing bitterness to come between you and other believers and other people forgive like do you forgive people do not lust
 men are you scrolling on Instagram looking at Women's account that you shouldn't be on are you looking at pornography are you thinking thoughts that you shouldn't be thinking if you love me keep my Commandments that's how you want to show Jesus you love him it's keep his Commandments keep his word is what he says be holy seek God's kingdom fear not deny yourself give make the cycle these are like big stuff
 are you doing that these are the goals that you should be having for 2019 cool your career stuff cool your your like home stuff cool your financial goals great first seek his kingdom and his righteousness and all these things will be added to you and just we need to focus on that I need to be surprised what you thought were your goals
 and how they change when you seek his kingdom first like in it's not just like I meant like your heart actually changes like those things that I thought that I wanted and these things that I thought I was going to be like my heart isn't there anymore I just want to build God's kingdom exactly what my saved from success is all about another it's a great book for you guys to read at the beginning of a year too well be saved from the American Christianity cultural thinking that isn't biblical and not to that book saved from success is about as I like when you seek the kingdom of God for she go out man I'm thinking about children incorrectly I'm thinking about marriage and correctly I'm thinking about money incorrectly I'm thinking about Freedom incorrectly I'm thinking about Community incorrectly that's crazy
 when you start looking at scripture about that and it's a short read so if you're interested in the new book to read any of the year you can have it done before soaking in the bath if you want to do two minutes. The clocks time of an average reader it's very short book episode one of her favorite things to do with other couples marriage Retreats and I host fifteen couples in a private Resort here in the Pacific Northwest ton of fun the best part is it's an all-inclusive event every couple gets their own cozy cabin and fireplace with a private Chef cooking incredible food and desserts and a variety of activities available for couples to just have fun with each other yeah we can't tell you how life changing these Retreats have been for a couple so as you can tell these Retreats have very limited space but if you're interested in spending a few days with us in the mountains
 Oregon then please apply for one of our upcoming with treats just go to Ultimate marriage.com Retreat again that's ultimate marriage.com Retreat the shop
 number 33 you bear the fruits of the spirit love joy peace patience kindness goodness gentleness faithfulness and self-control oh yeah and so repeat it every day do you bear the fruits of the spirit this is evidence this is the evidence of your faith and to be clear I don't do it just for the kids I do to myself to that you're saying you know like ask yourself that are you bearing the fruits of the spirit because when I feel like my patience is running low when my kids haven't they skipped their nap and I've got three kids four and under and like I forgot I left it on the table is all control and it's just like am I walking in the spirit because this is what the spirit is right here gives it to me it shows it to you I it is given to you once you receive Jesus as your savior
 huge stuff I mean to keep yourself in check and and Jesus says you're going to know them by their fruit and and so do people look at you and go out your different or do people look at you and you go that you're the same as everybody else in the world if people are asking you questions about your life in your faith and why you do things differently in your marriage and why you walk out these roles and why you you know educate your children a certain way and train them and discipline of a certain way in and build a few no don't have debt if you're not getting these questions
 well then you do. It's about yourself like a my actually walking out the faith enough to recruit my bearing fruit this is evidence of the holy spirit in your life working through there's so many other marks of a Christian I wish we could hide in a sermon on this a few weeks ago that we don't have time to go deeply into the stuff but there's so many more marks of a Christian but good roots bear good fruit bad Roots bear bad fruit are you worrying a lot that's bad fruit Jesus specifically talks about not worrying are you angry do you and your spouse fight a lot
 and get angry at each other that's bad fruit that's not good fruit do you have constant anxiety and depression again you know I'd look at these things I go hey something up inside of your heart and soul seek first his kingdom and watch the Lord clean out the inside of that cup watch him heal you and make you free from that stuff and Dylan I know that from firsthand experience we both walked through anxiety and depression before hardcore and I've had to walk through that stuff deeply and so we're not speaking from just like if you have anxiety like you're in your crazy we've had our life and the truth the truth that is free if you believe wrong you'll never Live Strong as a quote from the guy that mentored me that's just an important concept believing correctly about the scriptures
 about Jesus is critical to how we actually walk out her life so the bear fruits of the spirit so that's that's our short show on on goals what does it mean to be Christian. Christian and end are you walking up the Christian Life are you abiding in the word are you keeping his Commandments are you bearing the fruit are you seeking first the kingdom of God or are you seeking your own kingdom are you like I'm going to build my career and I'm going to get these financial goals and everything we just talked about and argue no annual meeting has nothing to do with with God in the Bible this is a great time to evaluate hey Jesus is Lord
 are we going to actually make him Lord this year in our home so now time for a weekly question for Dale and we can both answer it but mostly do I have a 3 year old son and a five-year-old daughter should my husband and I raised and discipline our son in a different way than we do our daughter
 that's so you know it says fathers rate raise your children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord
 yes sir that's the reason I'm answering this as I think there's there's an important role and fathers to at least lead out the the
 philosophy of parenting at your home Veronica gets to carry out the details of how that's done she turns to me and asks what do you think what direction do you want our children to go like according to scripture what do we seen in our son and our other son and Aria like what was that look like I'm so I'm going to answer this and then run if I can try and then we live in an egalitarian culture an egalitarian ism is that were completely and utterly the same male and female we're absolutely equal there's nothing different about us the biblical view is not egalitarian it's complementarian and it means that we are actually complement each other we don't compete against each other and so when I think about this you know God said that he made us in His image and he made us a male and female means that we have equal value before the Lord but different roles in and that's how you plant your marriage and that is also the way that we must have you
 little boys and little girls is that they're equally valuable valuable for the Lord, but they have different roles to play we're not just raising boys and girls this is an important distinction that you need to make in your child or an in your parenting you're not just raising a little boy or a little girl you're raising someone else's future wife Future Husband future father future Mother Nature friend and so the aim of Boyhood and girlhood is manhood and Womanhood biblical men and biblical women and so because biblical men and biblical women are different in the scriptures yes we do train and discipline and raised up our boys differently than the way that you would raise up our girls we actually direct our boys toward the characteristics of
 men of a Biblical men masculinity and we direct our training and discipline and and all those types of things for our daughters towards what it means to be a good-looking woman and I'll give you a couple examples you know a woman in the scriptures on Titus 2 says that that she hasn't that she's a homemaker that she is a Meek and quiet spirit that she did she is trains younger women about how to love her husband's and loved her children so they're send husband would wear that podcast and so has characteristics of a Biblical woman at least look at proverbs 31 we look in a variety of other places that we would go out that's the mark
 like that's where we needed to help Arya get to train a child up in the way they should go in the way they should go should is a moral distinction it's how you ought to do it and then our boys you do the same thing is true there is you know it tells men to Be watchful
 it's be on guard and 1st Corinthians it says to be a provider for your family in 1st Timothy and we need to nurture these traits of of protection and and providing and then also you know 1st Peter of gentleness with women and specific child's personality and how they take to these things a book right now called future men and it's about raising biblically biblically biblically boys into biblical man and I think in short we need to do that differently and you are responsible to Stewart those children does boys and girls in the direction of the scriptures if you're going to call yourself Christian so yes that's the short answer and do it tomorrow if everything out and then
 so yeah. That's our question we're going to move on to a memory verse and close out the show in a minute if you abide in my word you are truly my disciples and you shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free again that is John 8:31. Memorize. Just throw that I use that verse in my conversations probably on a monthly basis with people it's a great first to have memorized last thing is would you please leave us with you now that it's at the end of the show you guys can just go to iTunes if you're listening to this night to end and just tap the Stars you can write a review that would be great if you want to watch this episode or catch any of the scriptures that we referenced or any of the one-liners I try to pull those out of the show I put all that available you can listen to the show watch it on our website at ultimate marriage.com you just go to the podcast page and you can see the most recent show right there and all of our shows are there and you can just get it
 archive of all of our content into them so thank you guys so much for joining we will talk to you guys next Wednesday take care
 hey Dale Partridge here last year I heard a disturbing statistic more than the culture is being influenced by the church you see the vast majority of Christians don't know God's word because they've never read it we cannot live out what we do not understand Veronica and I want to challenge you right now to read the Bible in one year that we put together a basic 365-day reading plan it'll take you no longer than 20 minutes per day and you can download it for free at ultimate marriage.com Bible again that's ultimate marriage.com Bible
 thank you for joining us on this episode of ultimate marriage does not adhere join Veronica and I on Instagram Facebook and YouTube repost daily tips and lessons on how to build a Biblical marriage and for those of you looking for more consider joining our six-week marriage Mentor program disciple couples on how to walk out the Bible's instruction for husbands and wives you can find all that and more by visiting our website ultimate marriage.com podcast and a companion Ministry of relearn church.org