Can Compatibility Affect Your Marriage?
welcome to real Christianity a weekly show designed to help Christians know their Bible defend their faith and truly understand what it means to follow Jesus the premise is simple the culture is getting louder the church is getting flash ear but few pastors are teaching on how to live a Biblical life my name is Dale Partridge along with my incredible wife Veronica join us as we start an important conversation about what it really means to be a Christian
 welcome to real Christianity today we are talking about can compatibility affect your marriage compatibility we are going to discuss there's been tons of articles on the internet about are me and my boyfriend compatible or how do we predict compatibility in our in our marriage success or what what makes a marriage compatible you know there's like these scientific formulas about hear that TV show we watched a long time ago but like had you didn't get to see your spouse and they did they stop these like personality assessments and like character called like I forgot what it was but it was only produce a compatible mate for you and so this idea of compatibility is very popular and it's very alive and culture I'm still going to dive into that from a Biblical perspective
 shortly and I think you'll learn that that ability and the Bible perspective is a mess but will drive into that shortly I want to mention real quick if your regular listener to the real Christianity podcast would you guys consider leaving a review you just have to tap the Stars you don't even need to write anything on the iTunes app you can write something and I do read them I read every single one of them thank you guys so much for them and so that's one request second thing is if you guys want to listen to show somewhere other than Apple podcast you can do it on YouTube Spotify on my think even Pandora now I'm such a variety of spots for that if you want to get the show notes for the show you want to see the video of this episode whatever it is you can always do that real our church.org forward slash listen and the last thing that I want to mention is it guys I've been talking about this for a while we are getting the ultimate print marriage program our marriage Mentor program it's a six-week program
 small groups and for individuals and it is just about done work every week we're making more progress we finished all the edits this week now we're doing all the Motion Graphics for it it's getting ready to be put up live probably in a couple weeks here so if you want to be notified of that program when it opens enrollment just go to Ultimate marriage.com notify electronic open us up today
 yeah so you know Dale touchdown these compatibility tests and articles all over the internet but today we just really if you're a regular listen to We generally in bed scripture and her lessons you'll know that but for this episode of particular we're going to be referencing the general Theology of Christian marriage that can be found in Genesis chapters 23 and a fusions by vs 20 to 2:33 until we go want to go ahead and encourage you guys to read those passages of scripture with an intent to fully understand the text because they are crucial for building above so in light of these passages still going to go ahead and jump in so much like
 verse verse here right now. It's really we want you guys to read those passages Genesis 1 and 2 and a fusion chapter 5:20 to 2:33 it's just really great steak if you're married and you don't know those passages what marriage has to be now. Sorry going to start all right so the Bible's clear my marriage our marriage is a mirror of the gospel and that that's an important fact and this idea is clearly explained in Ephesians chapter 5 again 2233 got to read that passage and you'll really understand our marriages are a mere to the gospel husbands are to be like Christ in the way that he loves the church and why is it to be like the church in the way that they honor and respect Christ it's a kind of symbiotic relationship of Christ loved the church and that's a husbands are called love their wives and wives respecting you're honoring and following their husbands the way to the church.
 Christ that's kind of that thing that you see in scripture in other words really human marriage this marriage thing that we have that God created is the Earthly image of God's divine plan for Humanity it is a mirror of the Gospel why why does God do this and I think it's because God knows that we as humans have finite minds and that we need the power of symbolism to gain understanding he's literally place is symbol the gospel all around us everywhere and every married couple is in some way a glimpse of his design for Salvation And for those who are married he's giving us a way to truly experience God's are the gospels sacrificial love or and most of all unity and I've emphasized Unity because God and the Old Testament and Jesus in the New Testament affirm that the goal of marriage is to become one flesh
 yeah so just imagine this picture you're walking around in downtown and you see all these married couples I mean literally got his embedded of the Gospel into the Earth in terms of just a symbolism elements write a mirror to it a parallel to it you get a chance to see all look like this is what it is it's all around us and again why because we're fine night and we need symbolism to gain understanding and then you know you and I know I was married folks we get the chance to experience that gospel relationship you understand what it means to be the church and following Christ because it's your call to be a role as a wife to a husband and I get to understand what it means to sacrifice and love my wife as Christ loved the church because the word literally experiencing is Gospel narrative in our marriage and so you know if you have two people becoming one flesh which again I think is a goal of marriage right the two shall become one I want to discuss the idea
 ability and over the years you never have we seen so many couples that use the idea of compatibility or incompatibility as a reason for their conflicts or you going to just in case in for the divorce we're just incompatible right and it just this past week There's a popular Christian Author I should say even publicly deny the faith I would even say that these attacks Christian is left of Faith Joshua Harris actually announced his divorce in social media and it was all over the news Fox News had covered it and I'm Hughes phrases in his Instagram post that were again I think pretty popular to the culture as a reason for their divorce he says you know we've changed over the years
 and quotes we're different people now and quote we're going in different directions and I think the smallest kind of the same line of thinking as we're no longer compatible you know that that kind of idea is a adding pretty popular in divorce culture and its I would say an excuse that we use in the church and outside of the church quite often and I think it's important we discuss that today yeah so in this episode deal and I are going to speak to the idea of income incompatibility in marriage and replace this what is wrong way of thinking with the truth found in the Bible so I'm going to bring you guys breakfast idea down for you through the lens of Virginia biblical Christian Theology and the Theology of marriage and I'm sorry I just want to speak to the desire to have things in common with one another there are many areas in life that we can find common ground with their spouse
 yeah we like the same movies we like to go Outdoors you know we have similar interests and hobbies whatever that might be. That's kind of his desire for come and gotten those things are good things I'm not going to say those are bad things it's the very beginning that the the one area though that we do for sure every couple every husband and wife that we do have in common is that we're both selfish and sinful that's for sure I'm okay so if you're looking for common ground I promise you that every marriage has common ground in the fact that you guys are both centers and that you're both selfish and Romans 3:23 says for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God all of us there's none righteous no not one as what the scripture says and so because of this
 we are all incompatible can I just want to get that out there real quick every marriage because of the our fallen nature is incompatible our kind of very broken state which is against sell focused in Sims focused that's what the fall has done to us sell focus and focus it actually prevents us from having complete compatibility in our marriage it it really does and what this means is there's no such thing as an intrinsically compatible marriage all these scientific formula created compatible personalities it doesn't exist it will never fully exist because we are not
 because we're falling it's a slot it's a flawed desire because it has an impossible outcome okay so I want to say that just again compatibility is flawed it's a flawed desire because it has an impossible outcome you can't be fully compatible with your spouse and we're going to talk later in this episode run is going to share what the definition of compatibility really is but
 I want to give you some hope there is one thing that we can have in common as Christian couples that will allow us even in our flesh and our fallen state to find unity in the midst of any marital situation circumstance or trial and that's Christ
 okay what a husband and a wife have Christ in common they can share and no other similarities and have a thriving unified marriage going to say that again cuz I want you guys really to hear that when a husband and a wife have Christ in common they can share no other similarities and have a thriving unified marriage
 okay and we got to stop looking to Earthly commonalities
 I saw her need for common ground in unity OU he like the same music as being like seeing movies as me like to save this is me or whatever you're looking for that's not what we should be looking for and I say this with all seriousness Veronica and I really don't have much in common okay we think it's actually a unique part of our store we don't have much in common but our love for Christ
 which we do have in common
 and our marriage which I believe is anchored in Scripture
 I'm has allowed us to fully satisfy our need and our desire for Unity and we can only do that through him everyone thanks for listening to this episode we wanted to quickly tell you about our six-week online marriage Mentor program at our companion Ministry ultimate marriage.com dealing with six teams one for each week here's how it works every seven days Dylan I release a 45-minute video Lesson on that week's theme plus a weekly marriage challenge PDF for you and your spouse to incorporate this teaching directly into your marriage has an incredible program where we cover everything from Sex and Money to children and biblical roles but more than that it's also an incredible Community Access to our private online group and the ultimate marriage text message line where Veronica and I can send our regular encouragement and wisdom straight to your phone the catch is this we try
 limit the number of couples in the program at one time to ensure a quality and intimate experience enroll now at ultimate marriage.com again that's ultimate marriage.com
yeah I think it's important to hide kind of highlight and point out what Bill said because I think people look to our marriage and imagine that we just have everything in common we do struggle that we don't trouble to harmonize and that's just not the case in like ya'll said y'all to be honest we have to work very very hard to find anything that we both enjoy but in Christ we can submit our needs and desires to one another in an effort to fall deeper in love in to understand the unifying gospel relationship between Christ and his I know a lot of times people often write us on social media and say why I didn't grew up in a Christian home or I didn't have got the biblical examples and neither did we we had to learn this we started from scratch and so another plan want to highlight is the difference between between compatibility and complimentary
 the definition of compatibility is two things which are able to exist without conflict definition of compatibility ability is to things which are able to exist without conflict
 anything cuz this this is so when people hear that like people this is so badly what people want we want a spouse who does everything that we want and will never bring opposing views or behavior but in all honesty that's just kind of a ridiculous goal and its unattainable especially in our in our fallen state but I want to contrast the definition of compatibility with the definition of complementary is he in Genesis chapters 1 & 2 God creates complementary pairs such as light and dark Heaven and Earth Land and Sea man and woman we touch on this a few times before another podcast the word complementary means an element that completes or brings another to Perfection an element that completes or brings another to perfection
 yeah and I think I think this is a more accurate goal for marriage we are called to complement one another according to God scripture for marriage so you're in perfect spouse actually teaches you the sacrificial Love Of Christ in perfectness of each other is actually what kind of sanctifies each other gives us an opportunity you know Paul Washer so this really great quote it's worth writing down we've shared it on the ultimate marriage Instagram before it's how would you ever learn unconditional love if you were married to someone who met all your conditions
 and so yeah you'll never learn. You'll never understand the sacrificial love of the Gospel if your wife or husband met every desire you have her perfect compatibility right life without conflict is that idea and then you have this I think again. That the complementarianism perspective is so much healthier I looked at Veronica's as a part of together we can become a unified and I'm going to bring in ourselves to wholeness in Christ and I think it's some ways our desire for compatibility again which is no conflict of her desire humans I want any conflict that's why all those formulas of scientific formulas exist guitar looking searching for I want the marriage of the lease conflict time no challenge whatsoever like how is a marriage to grow without those things it's pretty much saved I want to stay the same I don't want anybody's giving me change right
 and our desire for compatibility is is what I think I'm like a manifestation of her desire for God and for a restored creation like we desire
 perfect peace and Harmony and your c.s. Lewis shares this really cool idea that we can only yearn for things that exist and in other words he said that we cannot urine for something that doesn't exist try to yearn for something that doesn't exist you can't do it the stomach for food because food right men and women yearn for sexual relationships because sexual relationships to exist the heart yearns for companionship to give companionship exist the stick your hands for health because Health it does exist in the logic actually can be applied here to God right the soul yearns for God because God must exist and if you really don't believe that there's a I would say Universal yearning for God in the things of God I want you to listen to the words of the Greek philosopher Plutarch and I really this is just a fascinating quote he says if we Traverse the world
 it is possible to find cities without walls without letters without Kings without wealth without coin without schools in theaters but a City without a temple or that practice if not worship prayer and like no one has ever seen and the idea is that he's just recognizing the universal desire of the human for God and hear his ways and you know we yearn for perfect peace and Harmony and compatibility that's what you're in for and that's why so many people want it and it we are in for those things because peace and Harmony compatibility they do exist just not in this Fallen World and not in the Fallen State and Romans 8:23 tonight captures this idea a bit it says but we also who have the first fruits of the spirit Christian is what he's saying even we ourselves grown within ourselves eagerly waiting for the adoption
 the Redemption of our bodies and it's saying that man there are things that we want that our Heavenly that are that are after that are Eternal that are not temporary like this world we want those things incompatibility it's one of those things we want perfect peace and Harmony in all those things we yearn for those things because they do exist in Christ
 and you know we want to restore the world we want to restore the body we want that perfect relationship with her spouse and for now we have Christ who is sufficient work we're kind of partially first fruits were sealed where we have a promised future but we're still again at Paul what kind of say dragging around this corpse this has fallen flash with us and you know in him in Christ we can find that common ground and fellowship in marriage and in him we can start desire for compatibility and replace it with unity and end this desire to become one flesh and the focus that the Lord is using our marriage to sanctify us to become more like him
 it's an ultimately I guess it kind of close out this podcast which is I think a little short but it's okay with Emily a marriage is never incompatible that's a bad way to view it the goal should never be compatibility because again the view of the outcome is impossible when people say they have an incompatible marriage what they're really saying is that we're just not willing to grow we're just not willing to conformed to and transform to Christ demands and commands on our lives and how we should be viewing the spouse through the lens of scripture through the lens of God and so let's be careful when we say that our marriage is incompatible I believe that Christians if you have the common ground of Christ you can marry anybody
 I believe that you can make those things work and so if you have a friend who's struggling with compatibility the idea of maybe they're getting ready for divorce you maybe they're having lots of conflict this podcast I think it might help shed some light on the perspective that they should have
 that if we just be like Christ we won't have those conflicts you know there's a quote that we always say on the show that's from our mentors you can't argue with a humble person and when there's conflict it's usually just a lack of humility into prideful people and so my hope is that this podcast becomes a tool and edification for those that are struggling in there. I guess we'll close with just a couple dozen out that's real quick
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 okay on that note thank you guys for joining us today and we'll see you guys next Wednesday
 hey Dale Partridge here I recently heard a disturbing statistic only 11% of Christians have read the entire Bible now we can't wonder why the church is being influenced by the culture more than the culture is being influenced by the church the vast majority of Christians don't know God's word because they've never read it we cannot live out what we do not understand so Veronica and I want to challenge you right now to read the Bible in one year we put together a basic 365-day reading plan that'll take you no longer than 20 minutes per day and you can download it for free at relearn church.org Bible again that's relearn Church. Org forward slash Bible
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