I'm Emily P Freeman and welcome to the next right thing you're listening to episode 208
 this is a podcast about making decisions but it's also about making a life if you struggle with decision fatigue or chronic hesitation or if you just need a few minutes away from the constant stream of information and the sometimes delightful but also distracting hum of entertainment you're in the right place for a thoughtful story a little prayer and a simple next right step listening
 sometimes I share stories here from my very own life thoughts from my very own head or prayers for my own heart often I lean more on the stories thoughts and prayers of others highlighting someone else's insight and wisdom commenting on it quoting their words and bringing their wisdom here for us to learn from and to hold together as we continue to daily discern what's my next right thing today I'm sharing words from an author I quoted here many times but it's from a section of one of his books that I've not brought to the table for us yet at least not to this extent it's a concept I'm finding to be both super helpful and maddening from Parker Palmer in his book a hidden wholeness this book was one of my top 10 favorite reads from last year 2021 and I pulled it back out again and I want it back up just for a moment and pull the curtain back a little bit to let you know about my own process which has become second nature
 me but could be helpful for you and your process I'm a writer I do know and what that means to me is that it's my job to pay attention both to the world around me but also to the world within me and how they talk to each other but because that's annoyingly broad one of the things that I have honed over the last 15 years of calling myself a writer are the filters through which I can always sing World those filters are for me spiritual formation creativity and discernment and decision-making these are the things that interest me personally subjects that I have studied and written books about and want to continue learning about not just for my own sake but if I could humbly say also for yours not because I'm some kind of expert or the illusion but because I'm simply an artist and I want to code Journey with those of you who are willing to walk along the way together and so when I'm listening to podcast or reading a book watching a movie
 or even talking friends I'm always noticing if there is a principal or a story or a metaphor and image that will be helpful for me in my own work of discernment and most of the time I don't share any of those things I don't write about them I don't post about them I don't bring them here I hear things all the time that I don't record or repurpose but I'm always hearing them because I've trained myself this way by the way you can try yourself this way too if you want to be intentionally learning something specific and I recommend that you do right away so I know is this a side note of the side note I think it is we will get back on track in a minute but I just want to mention in the early days of blogging I remember being out with family or friends who knew that I had a Blog this is like he know we're talkin 2008 and something funny or interesting what happened at dinner or whatever and someone would say are you going to write about that on your blog
 and I have to tell you that always deeply bothered me because I didn't just write about something because it was funny or interesting to the group and B
 if they read my bought they would know that but anyway so let the record show that I am not out and about minding my life for Content at least not intentionally all the time but I am always paying attention to those things that matter to me particularly when I read so if I see a line or a story shared by someone else that speaks to one of those subjects that I mentioned that have the biggest role in my own transformation I'm in the market and if I believe that it's going to be something that's helpful for us here as we talk about our next right thing as we talked about discernment and decision-making will then I'll add the letters n r t for next right thing right there in the margin and that's just as a reminder to me that you know this could be helpful as we do our discernment work together
 so now we're back to me reading Parker Palmer's beautiful book a hidden wholeness and now this book as a whole if you don't know if you haven't read it I haven't heard about it it's about the journey where each on of living an integrated life and how that journey is both a solitary one but it's also a communal one
 Parker Palmer speaks to the part of us that desperately wants to live an undivided life and what it takes to do this with integrity and with courage now toward the end of the chapter called the Third Way and Palmer writes about what he calls the tragic Gap and the pain of standing in it now what is the tragic Gap will maybe you could guess but in his words it's quote a gap between the way things are and the way we know they might be it's a gap that never has been and never will be closed well Parker Palmer as a writer speaker and a member of the religious Society of Friends also known as our friends the Quakers and he's writing hear about being open to a third way whether that be at the nation who hopes to live in a world at peace or as a business partner wanting to find a good solution to a problem
 another quote he writes in a contentious business meeting a better solution may well exist for the pressures of ego time and the bottom line make it unlikely that we will find it in the world at war peace maybe our dream that the Grim realities of greed fear hatred and doomsday Weaponry quickly turn that dream into a delusion
 all right now that feeling that you're experiencing right now is you hear me quote those two scenarios that is the tragic Gap that space where we see what is and you see what we hope could be but there doesn't seem to be a possible way to get there much less an easy one the tragic Gap is where we stand here at a Crossroads and the road drops out and we see the hope of the other side of the way across looks Grim at best deadly at worst and we decide it's impossible to move ahead toward that Hopeful Road so we'll just settle for the side of the Gap even though it's painful even though things remain unresolved
 and so I mark this down for us because that moment right there is often where our decision fatigue when's out our resolve to hang in there and look for that third way that takes courage and patience and belief that let's be honest we just might not have especially not now especially not lately
 another quote as a species we are profoundly impatient with tensions of any sort and we want to resolve every one of them as quickly as we can
 now I'll speak for myself and we be Freeman I don't like holding that tension left myself I want to yank the Rope on one side or I want to give up my grip on the other just so the thing to be resolved already even if the solution is subpar I don't like admitting that but that's something to send me maybe that's in you too, writes that when we avoid holding the tension of conflicting viewpoints because we just want to get on with it it may seem like the tension is resolved at first but by cutting the exploration short he writes we have to pride ourselves of a chance to find a better way by allowing opposing ideas to enrich and enlarge each other until a new vision emerges
 and by letting the majority decide which way we should go we often Drive the tension underground creating an embittered minority who devote themselves to undermining the decision we saw you made
 I know I'm sharing a lot of quotes but I think it's worth it and it's a conversation worth having and I guess it poses the question for me why aren't we willing to hold the tension longer
 and I say this to myself with so much compassion I think the bottom line is that it hurts too much
 we all know the pain of a tug-of-war of holding a rope on one side and the rope burn that comes with it on our hands but imagine standing in the middle of two ropes one force pulling you in One Direction Another equally powerful force pulling you in the opposite direction and there you are in the middle and you're breaking into
 or is there a third way
 I guess that's a question that Parker Palmer is inviting us to consider and that is are you breaking apart or are you as He suggests beginning to break open
 is it possible to buy holding the tension longer we might discover a spaciousness that we have not previously imagined
 is it possible to as Palmer says open into new capacity a process that is not without pain but one that many of us would welcome
 is it possible
 beginning to see that even though that kind of tension is impossible to hold in everything and sensing that is attention that I'm being invited or perhaps even compiled to hold in some of the most important things even though it takes time even though it's uncomfortable to hold two sides of the Rope even though it threatens sometimes to tear me into
 it is a Grace given unto us by God that we might be broken open and not broken apart
 others have lived in this tragic got before us Mother Teresa live there so did Martin Luther King Jr and Rosa Parks so do healthcare workers teachers and mothers and so can we
 may we find the courage to continue to stand in the tragic gaps of Our Lives to hold the tension a little longer to believe that God is with us and to see that hope can make a way through and possibilities
 maybe the people filled with compassion a supernatural patience and a willingness to be broken open into a greater capacity for peace and Beauty as we continue to do our next right thing in love
thanks for listening to episode 208 of the next right thing
 I hope the simple practice of holding the tension longer can be just one more run on the trellis upon which your Rhythm of Life can continue to grow because while it's true this is a podcast about making decisions you know the bigger truth is that our daily decisions are actually making our lives as always you can find me on Instagram at Emily P Freeman or online at Emily Freeman. Calm where you can find a transcript of this and every episode I know this episode might bring up more questions than answers it might bring to the for some complications and some weariness that we all might be feeling but I guess I'm also hoping for is that it begins to stir a step toward hope to not giving up on ourselves or each other to not be afraid to pause and wait and fight and pray for a third way to emerge between us
 well I'm closing you know I have another quote from Parker Palmer and again this is from a hidden wholeness he writes as I stand in the tragic gap between reality and possibility the small tight fist of a thing called my heart can break open into a greater capacity to hold more of my own and the world's suffering and joy Despair and Hope
 maybe so thanks for listening and I'll see you next time